Fostering Love

"Anna! Come down here. We need to talk." I hollered up the stairs and waited for a response. Anna hesitated. "Yes ma'am." Reluctantly she walked slowly down the stairs and met me at our breakfast bar. Knowing she was in trouble, Anna thoroughly cleaned the downstairs, upstairs, even scrubbed all the bathrooms. She hoped this would ameliorate the inevitable lecture. "Anna," I paused and took in a deep breath, "You have been begging to go to this church for months. You looked up the time the services began. We have had this same conversation THREE times this week about getting up by 9:00 am everyday, earlier if we have harvesting to do." Anna sat on the stool swiveling 90 degrees back and forth, fiddling with her fingers and eyes fixed on the floor. "TJ and I left this morning at 10:15 and you still were not up. I left a note for you to have listed three goals you want to accomplish and to note how you plan on attaining those goals. Let's take a look at that list." Silence. Very quietly Anna responded, "I don't have any goals." I have known Anna for two years and she is right; she has no goals. She dreams about going to college and becoming a pediatrician, but having failed all her core classes and ART tells another story. She was on the school basketball team, but could not stay out of trouble and so was removed from the roster. She reminisces of her days on the elementary and middle school track teams, but lacks the self discipline to do daily runs so she could make the cut. She wants a weave, new clothes, have her nails done, but has not done chores in 8 weeks to earn any money. Frustration painted itself on my face and oozed from my voice. "That's the problem Anna, you have no goals, no passions, nothing interests you. There is nothing you are willing to pursue. You cannot continue to depend on others to support you and give you what you want for the rest of your life. YOU have to work and work hard. YOU have to put gas in your car. YOU have to pay your rent. YOU have to buy your clothes." Anna has a kind sweetness to her that compels people to want to help her. 'I don"t have money for lunch,' she'll say softly and before you know it she has food and money setting before her and she is set. "Why bother to make my lunch when I can get it for free?' Her teachers give her extra points because 'poor Anna is a foster child who has had such a hard life. She will soar if she just had a break.' And breaks Anna has had. She has been given clothes, jewelry, MP3's, PSP, CDs...you name it she'll get and I seize every little bit of it. Is there any good reason why she should have to work... food stamps, low income housing, medicaid. The foster system will get her a car, a laptop, provide housing, pay for college, and more. She doesn't need any goals! As far as she can see down her life's path there is a shortcut - the system or people are there to take care of her. Resignation replaced frustration. Tension released through a very heavy sigh. "Anna, do you have anything to say?" Ever so slowly her head wagged no. "OK. Well . . . I'm done. You can go back to room." She sauntered back, leaving me leaning against the breakfast bar, my elbows on the counter and my forehead heavy in my hands.