I Can't Tell Her the Truth

Dinner had been unusually late so it was not long afterward when we all began our nightly routines. Anna decided upon enough videos to keep her up until the early morning hours. Bob took his final stroll to the chicken house looking for that egg-eating snake. TJ and I stood in front of the bathroom mirror brushing our teeth. Soon, Anna retreated to her room, shut her door and began her movie marathon. Bob returned from the chicken house snakeless and eggless, and TJ and I climbed the stairs to her bedroom and continued our nightly ritual.
"Now, Mom, remember - don't come in my door." She scurried ahead of me, closed the door and left me standing in the hall.
Knock, knock, knock.
"Come in, Momma." Inevitably I enter her room with an enthusiastic comment such as 'Oh  TJ! Your room is so tidy tonight!,' or 'Oh TJ! You are already in bed!,' or  'My goodness TJ! Did you let a tornado visit today?'
I opened the door to see her standing in the middle of the room. "Oh TJ! You have such wonderful manners!"
"I know, Momma. Here's my Bible." She held it out for me to take. "I have paper where you need to read." A folded, folded, and folded again scrap piece of paper marked the next Bible story to be read tonight, 'Jesus Walks on Water.'
We sat next to each other on the edge of her bed, each of holding one side of the over-sized book. I read while she studied the pictures. After reading I tucked her in, said our prayer, and as always, added 'And God, heal TJ's head, her heart, and her spirit. Amen.'
Tonight, after hugging and kissing and re-tucking, TJ securely put her arms around my neck and said, "I never want to leave foster care. I love you and I love Daddy so much. I never want to leave."
I drew her close, held her tightly, ever so gently rocked back and forth, and whispered in her ear, "You are my TJ and I love you! I am not letting you go!"
She laid back down. I studied her profile against the pillow. "Good," she said.
I can't tell her the truth. Our home is only temporary. When she is 15 I will be 68. She deserves better. Someone will come along and want to adopt her. When that happens it will break her heart.
It will break mine, too.